Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
