i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
