I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
