We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
