we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I want is dick and wine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
