Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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