I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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