Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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