Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
