I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
