a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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