i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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