But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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