yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
