hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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