She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
40s are totally the cure
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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