I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
