I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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