Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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