I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
