Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
