The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
