Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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