Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
