Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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