Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she told me i tasted like america
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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