...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
