Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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