WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
