Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
