Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
