I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
