Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
