if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the day after is always just damage control
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
