Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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