what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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