I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
