i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
