she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize