The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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