He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
