he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
