I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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