I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
