There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Barsexuality is the new black.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
