My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
