last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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