The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he shaved USA in his pubs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
