My room smells like vodka and shame
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
