The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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