we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
NoShamevember. You game?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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