I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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