I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
