What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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