for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
