just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
