dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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