im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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