can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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