yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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