Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
