1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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