I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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