apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
