You made me cry and you don't even care
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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