I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
