im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
