Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize