So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
