my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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