dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
