Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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