life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Boobs are out for the taking
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
