The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
