The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
