i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
