think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
