you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
