My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize