He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
