I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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