He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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