What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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