Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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