I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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