A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
