what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize