And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
