You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
