Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
