I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
