Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
