I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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