Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
