Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
only if we run a train.
done.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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