Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
